Listen in to Gil and Brenda for some refreshing conversation about your relationship. They’ll offer you tips that come from their experience of working with couples like you, and practical tools you can use right now. And the “Tingles” will tickle your emotional funny bone.
Tune in for some Tips, Tools and Tingles for your relationship.
Most people think that when they get married, they won’t be lonely again. Feeling lonely and isolated in a marriage is becoming more common than you may realize. Gil and Brenda have talked with several people that are feeling this way. Do you know someone who is lonely in their marriage? Is it you?
Loneliness affects not only our mental health but our physical health too. It depresses our immune system and increases inflammatory responses. We are at risk for depression and anxiety and distorted perceptions of life.
The realities of being lonely in a marriage can be very heavy and sometimes dark. Gil and Brenda will define this journey and as always, offer ways to find hope again.
Resource: LOVE MAPS
Reference: Drift Happens Season 1 Episode 47
Action Steps:
1. Take the initiative.
a. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is too.
b. Do you know their Love Languages? Sometimes just reaching out and touching their hand speaks volumes (if their Love Language is physical Touch.)
c. Try to initiate conversations that are not about transactional details. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure to demonstrate that you are listening.
Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change, but after a few gestures of goodwill, they will likely return the favor.
2. Create shared experiences.
If your spouse is in the other room watching their favorite show, sit next to them (at the start of the show) and say, “You love this show so much I want to give it a try.” They may be confused, suspicious, or both, but just be sincere and try to see the show through their eyes, even if it’s not your thing. After the show, tell them what you appreciated about it – even if it was terrible, find something! That is connection.
3. Practice taking their perspective.
· Don’t commit “assumicide” (don’t assume!)
· Practice empathy
· Perspective taking will build intimacy and increase connection.
The steps of building intimacy are:
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
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What can those couples who are in Law Enforcement and First Responders do to protect their marriage and family? What can we (those of us who are not in those fields) do to support them? Gil and Brenda interview a couple, who have been living this journey for over 20 years, 10 of those years on a SWAT team. Gabe and Stacey are very candid about the hardships and realities and the toll it can take on a marriage. They share practical advice to help strengthen a marriage and family who is affected by these professions.
A few takeaways:
To those who are First Responders & in Law Enforcement:
1. Work to understand and educate yourself on the job. Be aware of the biological impacts that affect both physiological and social health – these will indeed impact your family as well.
2. Each person should work to define themselves individually and define their family-outside of the “first responder” identity. Your work should not be your identity.
3. Cultivate friendships outside of the workplace.
4. Faith and family must come before work and hobbies.
5. Surround yourself with pro-marriage and pro-family activities/thoughts
To those who are not in this profession:
1.Make an effort to really reach out to these marriages/families
2. Be flexible with scheduling with activities
3. Include them in normal, fun activities
4. Pray for them!
Book Resource: Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Kevin M. Gilmartin, Ph.D
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
#conflictresolution #firstresponders #firstrespondersmarriage #lawenforcement #lawenforcementmarriage #firstrespondersfamillies #lawenforcementfamilies
#gilandbrenda #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
What can those couples who are in Law Enforcement and First Responders do to protect their marriage and family? What can we (those of us who are not in those fields) do to support them? Gil and Brenda interview a couple, who have been living this journey for over 20 years, 10 of those years on a SWAT team. Gabe and Stacey are very candid about the hardships and realities and the toll it can take on a marriage. They share practical advice to help strengthen a marriage and family who is affected by these professions.
A few takeaways:
To those who are First Responders & in Law Enforcement:
1. Work to understand and educate yourself on the job. Be aware of the biological impacts that affect both physiological and social health – these will indeed impact your family as well.
2. Each person should work to define themselves individually and define their family-outside of the “first responder” identity. Your work should not be your identity.
3. Cultivate friendships outside of the workplace.
4. Faith and family must come before work and hobbies.
5. Surround yourself with pro-marriage and pro-family activities/thoughts
To those who are not in this profession:
1.Make an effort to really reach out to these marriages/families
2. Be flexible with scheduling with activities
3. Include them in normal, fun activities
4. Pray for them!
Book Resource: Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Kevin M. Gilmartin, Ph.D
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
#conflictresolution #firstresponders #firstrespondersmarriage #lawenforcement #lawenforcementmarriage #firstrespondersfamillies #lawenforcementfamilies
#gilandbrenda #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
Why do some couples hesitate to invest in their marriage? Without sugar coating anything, Gil and Brenda explore several possibilities…and their remedies. Sometimes the busyness of life intrudes on the investments that need to be made in our marriage. And sometimes it’s just easier to hide behind the busyness instead of talking about what’s really going on.
Remember, life’s too short to just have a good marriage…you want a great one. Have a conversation about the differences between a good and a great marriage. You might be surprised how much you are both on the same page!
The goal: a high ROI (Return On Investment) in your marriage!
Resource: Stress Reducing Conversations
Action Steps:
Have a Conversation
1. What’s one thing we can do that would be a positive investment in our marriage?
2. Find 1 resource (book, podcast or seminar) you could do together.
3. Start having a standing meeting about feelings, not just logistics.
BONUS: Find thing you can laugh about! It’s good for the soul.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
Even in the best relationships, conflict is going to happen. Is conflict good or bad? Conflict is good, as long as you do it right! Yet, how do you control the damage that can come with conflict? Gil and Brenda go over a few points from the Gottman Repair Checklist. Here are some real “how” to’s” to reduce the damage that can happen when conflict comes about. You can even pass this info on to your kids!
Action Steps:
1. How can we limit damage control?
Have this conversation BEFORE any conflict happens. When you are in a good place, you can (hopefully) logically share with your
spouse/partner what you need when things get tense. How can we both support each other without escalating the conflict?
2. Slow down!
Admit where you are emotionally (I need to take a break, I need to regroup, I’m feeling flooded)
3. Show appreciate.
Boy, this can go a long way! Don’t hold back thanking your spouse/partner for even making an attempt to repair. Chances are, if you notice this and say something you both will extend appreciation and grace more often.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #GottmanInstitute