A Guys Guide to Applied Romance… and Other Steps to Avoid Acting Stupid!

A Guys Guide to Applied Romance

OK gents, I’ve been asked to write about romance and after thinking about it for two months now, what I am about to share with you is so basic you going to say, “I could have written this article.” To which I would reply, “You’re right, so why haven’t you; or better yet, why don’t you put your ideas into action?”
Our women often are starved to death for affection, and even a slight effort on our part can count for big points toward romance and the ultimate knowledge that she is cherished by you.

First things first – If your wife is anything like mine, she has her schedule full from morning to midnight! Therefore, give her a break and offer to do the dishes, take out the trash and make it your goal that she never has to put gas in the tank!  (Keeping the tank full is especially appreciated in the winter months so she does not have to brave the elements.  As well, it gives you the chance to serve her basic and safety needs). Be brave!

Second – Throughout the year, not just St. Valentine’s Day or your anniversary, bring her flowers for no good reason other than to brighten her day!  (Hint – one flower racks up the same amount of points as a full bouquet.)  When given with no expectations placed upon her, the message is, “She is still No. 1!”

Third – Take lots of notes, both written and mental, and let her know you are doing this action. The notes are about her favorite stuff and details that are unique about her.  Seriously, get a note pad or a little memo tablet and write what you like about her, funny little personal quirks that make you smile.  The purpose is to remind you of her beautiful charms; and when shared at the right time, sends the understanding that you are paying attention to her exclusively!  You get to share your observations that are positive; she gets to hear your heart. That is an advanced romance language for some of us!

Fourth – Never surprise her!  Plan the surprise date, birthday party, picnic, trip to wherever; but be sure to tell her what you are cooking up!  Why not tell her, you ask? To which I must say, “you amateur!”  Dude, if you tell her in advance you get two things working for you before you even execute the plan.  A. If she thinks it’s a fantastic idea she is going to look forward to it and brag on you.  B. If the idea is kind of a bomb and she would not like it, you get consideration to rework the plan to her liking and won‘t look stupid for misdirected efforts on her behalf.

Fifth – By now some of you are maybe asking what about foreplay toward sexual intimacy? Such as lighting candles in the bedroom or drawing a warm hot bath for the two of you.  Duh, anybody can do that; and of course, you should, but note we are at step five, not one, of romancing your wife.

Sixth – Never rush sex!  You are not scoring a “touch down;” you are loving the woman who takes care of you in many ways you don’t even have a clue about.  ASK her questions about her! What she has been thinking about beside kids, money, health or what she is going to make for dinner the millionth time! Ask about the dreams she has for the two of you or personal goals toward which she needs your encouragement.

Seventh – Pray with her every day!  Pray over her in her presence. Let her know you have been praying for her and the circumstances she and your family are facing.  Care for her heart and soul, kinda like all those love songs you used to listen to together.

Lastly – Tell her you need her! Tell her where you need encouragement.  Be vulnerable as this action alone builds trust and shows you can confide in her!  She needs to know she has an exclusive passage to your heart.  Once these steps are mastered, give me a call as I’m taking a lifetime to learn all I can about my lady through the many phases of life. Enjoy the journey together – that is what you signed up for with those vows you made.

In closing – About sex, it’s not just about sex.  It is about the heart; the sex is not the objective, but the reward shared by both of you!  She wants you more than you know.  Most women enjoy the pursuit as much as you do!  Love for a lifetime is a romance that is fresh and fully engaged – mind as well as body.  God created a good thing for our pleasure and healthy romantic connection!

The final word – If you are in a remarriage, all the above applies just the same – the big difference is to address old memories or hurts with great care.  It’s not a comparison of past and present but a restoration of heart that both of you need.  In most remarried couple situations, it’s more about feeling safe to share, to trust, to be honest, and to allow your heart to be vulnerable once again.  To achieve such levels of intimacy starts with repentance and forgiveness of those who hurt us or ourselves, oddly enough.  You can enjoy all the above, but facing obstacles in your heart must be faced head-on!  You now have a new helpmate/spouse – build new habits to enjoy and be able to say, “Always forward!”